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Simon Paine
Jul 3, 20232 min read
Do you scare easily?
I don’t do rollercoasters. There’s no point because they don’t excite me. Is it because I’m boring? Well, maybe. But there is a reason....
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Simon Paine
Jul 3, 20233 min read
The Making of a Terrorist
Losing both of your parents must be one of the toughest hands that life could possibly deal. Some of these children go into the state...
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Simon Paine
Jul 3, 20233 min read
When struggle becomes a superpower
Ronnie Polkingham's half sister was a woman named Debbie. She was slim, attractive and carefree, playing in a band with her lover Bruce...
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Simon Paine
Jul 3, 20234 min read
How to not smuggle heroin
Heathrow Airport, London 1991. The British Airways 747 direct from Bombay (now Mumbai) landed a few minutes ahead of time, which was the...
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Simon Paine
Jul 1, 20232 min read
Scotland's Unluckiest Man
“Do you wanna buy some pills mate?“ A fella in his early twenties stared at me with the eager (wide) eyes of a young entrepreneur...
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Simon Paine
Nov 20, 20221 min read
My TedX is LIVE (eek)
Head full of bees: A Mental Health Revolution is coming. An estimated one billion people are suffering one or more mental health...
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Simon Paine
Oct 12, 20222 min read
The Hummingbird Thinkaholic
In 2017 (in the golden age of travel and pre-you-know-what) I was in Colorado, somewhere between Boulder and Longmont. A beautiful spot...
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Simon Paine
Jul 1, 20221 min read
Ever had a stone in your shoe?
Sometimes we walk along for an even a day with a stone in our shoe, digging into our heels, occasionally shifting along to bother a...
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Simon Paine
May 2, 20225 min read
Gas! Gas! Gas!
This was the night that Mick Jagger might've saved my life. It began as an emergency call to the police control room with a message from...
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Simon Paine
May 2, 20224 min read
The Vacuum Robber
In an undisclosed market town in Southern England, the security guard (off-guard) stumbled out of his workstation almost face-planting,...
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Simon Paine
May 2, 20222 min read
Just a punk kid
*Warning - this post contains distressing themes* She was just a year old and her brother, James was aged three the day her father...
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Simon Paine
May 2, 20225 min read
Full Metal Bucket
They only got me once, which wasn’t bad going for a ten year career. Police are known for pranks and wind-ups and in the 90s, many were...
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Simon Paine
May 2, 20224 min read
The Gangster's Apprentice
**WARNING GRAPHIC SCENES** Let's say you wanted to become a real life gangster; where would you go for your training? Well, it depends on...
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Simon Paine
Apr 30, 20223 min read
How to react like a legend in the moment
Have you ever experienced brain freeze? Not the kind that comes from rapid ice cream consumption, the kind that prevents anything...
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Simon Paine
Apr 11, 20221 min read
Do Ponies Bite?
Stand by for my favourite sentence of 2022 so far: Whilst touring a coffee finka (farm) in the coffee triangle of deepest Colombia,...
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